


Dust to Dust

by fourredfruits



Series: Dust to Dust [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, Song-fic?, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3525119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourredfruits/pseuds/fourredfruits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh, you're acting your thin disguise<br/>All your perfectly delivered lines<br/>They don't fool me<br/>You've been lonely, too long</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dust to Dust

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I had no intention of writing more when I first posted 'Let Me In'  
> But then all these kudos and lovely comments happened and I got so excited about those two again that I couldn't help it! What am I even doing in my finals week, ugh.
> 
> The title and summary's from The Civil Wars - Dust to Dust which inspired this collection (because obviously this is a collection-thingy now....) and gives me so many Bucky/Tony feels. 
> 
> Still mostly just rambling, they still don't talk much, sorry. 
> 
> Oh, and this won't make much sense if you haven't read 'Let Me In', just so you know.

 

 

Bucky Barnes is no hero and he will never be one. He is just a broken man with too much blood on his hands. He doesn't save anyone, he is just desperate to save himself from drowning in all the innocent blood he spilled over the long and cold years, desperate to redeem himself in the eyes of others, so fucking desperate.

 

He's no Steve Rogers. It's not the sense of justice and righteousness in him that drives him to _move_ and _strike_ in battles. People need their heroes to be like Steve, someone who believes in the good in everyone, who never loses faith in humanity, who can be a shining beacon of hope in their moments of doubt. Bucky is none of these things. If anything, he does what he does just so he knows that he's completely lost in the darkness.

 

At first, everything was hazy. There were lots of glances thrown in his way, at least that he can remember. Most of them were brimming with fear, wariness, disgust, hostility, some (Steve's) filled with sadness, nostalgia and concern. They gave him pills which were supposed to suppress his potential violent urges while he was still unstable _and_ unreliable. Those made him feel like he was dreaming most of the time in the first couple of months that he was _contained_ in the Avengers' tower under Fury's order and Tony's approval.

 

Then he remembers the intelligent and heartbreakingly longing eyes. Those looked at him like he just saved whomever those beautiful brown eyes belong to. So he had to look back, to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating or something. And it was Tony fucking Stark.  

 

The man has fine cracks all over his charming facade and the spider web of scars tells more about the guy than what actually comes out of his mouth. Bucky is pretty sure he's the only one who notices it and wonders why. Once he notices, he learns other things too.

 

Tony cringes whenever Steve mentions Howard. Tony isn't afraid to get kicked in his face, his ribs broken, lungs punctured but he is afraid of Steve's disapproving glares and headshakes, making mistakes which result in somebody being injured (he just won't believe that _accidents_ and _contingencies_ exist beside miscalculations and oversights), tender words, cold-shoulder, expectations (whether it's other's or his own), and not knowing (what to do, what to say, what to think).

 

Most of all, though, Tony is terrified of people knowing these thing about himself. And it's not only because he considers them the chink in his armor but, Bucky suspects, also because he sees them as some kind of abominable defects of the mind.

 

However, when Tony lets his quite remarkable guard down around him, Bucky cannot help but feel like he's _needed_. It's an irresistible force that pulls at all the shattered pieces of one Bucky Barnes. He tries to ignore it at first because, come on, who is he kidding, he's no good to anybody anymore. He's too lost himself to guide someone back on the road. He doesn't even _know_ where the fucking road is. He is, after all, the one whose head has been screwed around too many times here, right?

 

But the look in Tony's eyes doesn't go away. Bucky's sure that the man isn't even aware of the shadows of thousands of emotions, feelings and thoughts flickering behind his eyes. And it's only when he comes out of the half drug-induced and half aftershocks-of-decades-of-brainwashing-and-torturing-by-HYDRA haze, that he understands. He clearly sees for the first time the loneliness in those brilliant eyes and all the painful things it does to the beautiful mind.

 

The beautiful mind of Tony Stark that has been slowly coming undone for a while by the sickening sense of loneliness.

 

 _He's been lonely for too long_ , Bucky thinks.

 

And it jolts his own mind awake which had remained numb for so many years. He blinks at the man working reverently on his arm. He somewhat bashfully realizes that Tony Stark doesn't need a guiding hand. Tony knows where the road is and he's walked down the road for longer than anyone Bucky's ever met. He's Iron Man.

 

But he's tired and no one has ever tried to walk with him. It has been like that for too long the man has forgotten how to let anyone in. So Bucky sits there silently, watches as the genius abandons his perfectly calculated words and pointed smiles, lets him be something other than a hero.

 

Something _more_ than a hero.

 

 

-

 

 

When he uses his override code to get into the lab and then out in the hangar, Tony is still crumbled on the ground. The suit is an imposing, unmoving figure but Bucky somehow knows that the man inside is trembling with panic at the moment. He practically skids to a halt on his knees beside Tony. Bucky thinks he can hear Tony fighting for his breaths when he presses his ear close to the hard surface of the helmet.

 

"Breathe. Tony. Breathe. Calm down."

 

He repeats the words over and over again, inhaling and exhaling loudly for Tony to mimic. It's the first time he sees Tony like this. He's seen him vulnerable before but only under the illusion of ignorance in which both of them could safely pretend not to notice what was going on. This time, though, Tony must hate this, because neither of them can no longer pretend.

 

At the back of his mind, Bucky wonders if this is it, if Tony would shut him out after this like he does with everyone else, even those he loves. Somewhere along his jumbled thoughts, Tony sobs out,

 

"I'm sorry."

 

And Bucky suddenly feels fucking angry. He wants to shred apart the stupid machine that destroyed his metal arm all over again. But the anger evaporates as soon as it arrives.

 

"No. Don't be."

 

It's a totally ridiculous idea to blame Tony for his broken arm. If anybody should be apologetic, it's him who let it catch him off-guard like that. That must have been why he didn't see this coming. Tony mumbles something about the last upgrade and the change of alloy through his painful attempts to breathe properly. And Bucky can't stand the seemingly impenetrable, harsh and cold surface of the metal suit anymore. It makes Tony look unbreakable, unshakable, invulnerable.

 

So he says, "Come on, it's ok. It's ok. It's not your fault. Let's get you out of that thing now. Let me see your face."

 

And no, needing someone doesn't make people weak. He understands that now. Tony doesn't answer for several moments and then Bucky hears the joints of the suit disconnecting and lift his hand to remove the helmet and Tony lifts his own arm to help him with it. When it comes off, Tony's face is wet, his hair clinging to his forehead, gasping slightly and he looks so... (young? open? dazed?).

 

Tony opens his mouth and breathes out,

 

"James."

 

And Bucky still thinks, no, Bucky Barnes is no hero.

But maybe James could be one.

 

Because Tony looks at him like he is one, like he's a fucking shining beacon in the wide and vast and _deserted_ world of one Tony fucking Stark. And fuck him if it doesn't do things to a man's ego, even if the man is a murderer with his fair share of mental issues.

 

He feels _needed_ for the first time.

 

The world may not need him and really, he shouldn't expect it to. Still, he is needed here and it's a powerful grounding force that keeps his head clear and mind focused.

 

And he wants it, too. He wants to be the first one to take down the walls and walk into the genius' mind. He wants, someday, to hear Tony saying out loud all the things that's trapped behind those bright eyes. The want hits him hard and square in the chest and an unexpected laugh escapes his lips, surprising both of them.

 

"Say it again."

 

Tony's breathing has mostly evened out by now and there's a look of confusion and bemusement on his face when he asks,

 

"What."

 

"Say my name again."

 

"James?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"James."

 

His name is James Buchanan Barnes and it sounds like another chance.

 

 


End file.
